Teaching myself how not to lose
hope: Amr Kassem 1987-2013
"Think not of those who are
killed in the Way of Allah as dead. Nay, they are alive, with their Lord, and
they have provision. They rejoice in what Allah has bestowed upon them of His
Bounty and rejoice for the sake of those who have not yet joined them, but are
left behind (not yet martyred) that on them no fear shall come, nor shall they
grieve. They rejoice in a Grace and a Bounty from Allah, and that Allah will
not waste the reward of the believers." (Ale Imran; 169-171)
My husband, Amr Mohamed Kassem who
was 26 years old, returned to his Lord on Friday after Asr. He was shot through
his chin and the bullet exited the back of his neck. He was at a protest in
Alexandria, calling for justice for all those who had been killed mercilessly
by the army in the previous days and weeks all over Egypt.
Yesterday morning I went to the
morgue at a nearby hospital in Alexandria to see Amr before he would be washed
and buried in the next few hours. When I arrived, there were many people
waiting outside the doors to see their own family members as many people were
killed the same day as Amr. Some of Amr's friends and relatives were there,
too. After waiting for a while, I entered the room where his body was lying on
a table, covered by a long blanket. I stood beside him and uncovered his face,
and there he was, my love, lying there cold even though I had seen him strong
and happy and smiling less than 24 hours before that moment. I stroked his
beard, part of it was still soft, but part of it felt hard because of the dried
up blood. His nose was bloodied and he had a cut beside his eye but he was
beautiful, even in death - silent as though sleeping. I touched his lips and
his cheeks, they were cold.
I stood there for some time
looking at his face, feeling as though my heart was being repeately run over by
a truck. I refused to cry loudly but tears were streaming down my cheeks, and I
told him "I love you Amr, I know that you always wanted to die for the
sake of Allah, and you got what you always hoped for inshaAllah, and I'm so
proud of you. Ya Allah forgive his sins and accept him as a shaheed and reunite
me with him in the hereafter. Ya Allah make me patient in knowing that it was
his appointed time and that, by Your will and Grace, he is alive with his You
as a shaheed." I didn't leave him until I was ready, I'm not even sure how
long I was standing there. At the end, I kissed his cheek and told him that I
would see him later inshaAllah, then covered his face and left the room.
The janaza was after Asr, there
were hundreds of people there - his friends, his colleagues from school,
extended family. He was a very beloved person to many. There was no dry eye,
but everyone was speaking only good words and saying Alhamdulillah that Allah
took him in the best way anyone can die in this world. We prayed on him, and I
went outside to see a crowd of hundreds of men carrying his shrouded body
towards the cemetary. The women didn't follow, we were waiting until he was
buried to go to his grave and make duaa. After some time, his mother and I and
some female relatives walked towards to cemetary and were making our way to
where he was. Suddenly I notice all the men around me yelling for us to go out
the side door, to run. I didn't understand what was happening but I started
hearing loud bangs behind me, rocks being thrown at us and all the men telling
the women to run. So I ran and ran without looking behind me, I was hit on my
cheek by a large rock while I was running, but alhamdulillah, some of Amr's
friends saw me and told me to run ahead of them so they could be behind me and
make sure nothing happened to me. The people who attacked us were thugs who had
heard there was an "ikhwani" funeral (although my husband was not
from the ikhwan, he was just a religious man who believed in something called
right and wrong). Many people were injured, some with stab wounds, but as far
as I know, there were no causualties alhamdulillah.
Even in death, Amr's enemies
hated him and all those around him! But their hate means nothing to me, after
all if an enemy of God hates you, then that is a sign that you are,
God-willing) on the right path.
Dear friends, my heart aches in a
way I never knew a heart could ache. I miss him whenever I am awake and dream
about him when I'm asleep. He was the best kind of husband a woman could ever
hope for, kind, generous, soft and loving, but also strong and brave. His
clothes are still hung up on the hooks in our room, as though he's going to
walk through the door and change into his pyjamas before he sleeps. His friend
gave me Amr's wallet and cell phone at the janaza, but his wedding band was
missing, we still don't know where it is...I wish that I had it.
But through all this, I can't say
anything except innalillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un, and continue to make duaa
for him. I refuse to dishonour him or myself by asking God "why" he
took him or thinking "if only he hadn't gone to the protest on Friday, he
would be alive." No, it was Amr's time to return to Allah, I know that
beyond a shadow of a doubt. And although I wish I had more time with him in the
dunya, I sincerely look forward to reuniting with him and being his wife, if
God allows me, in paradise. In jannah time does not end, there is no fear of
being separated from your loved ones. I believe with every inch of my that our
love was truly a love that can last from this world to the next.
Ya Allah, You reunited Musa's
mother with him after she put him in the river, ya Allah You reunited Yaqoub
with his beloved son Yusuf after many years of painful separation. Ya Allah You
are the Only One who can reunite me with my beloved in the hereafter, so Allah
I ask you to not prevent me from being with him again.
Last night after we came home, we
received a call from a friend of a relative - someone who had witnessed first
hand what happened to Amr after he was shot. She told us that he didn't die
right away, he was alive for a few moments. His left hand was holding his chin
where the bullet had entered, and his right index finger went up, and he said
clearly "ashhadu anna la illaha ilAllah, wa ashhadu ana Muhammadun
rasoolullah" and he had a huge smile on his face, as though it was his
wedding day. When I heard this, I couldn't help but cry that Allah had honoured
me just by letting me know this wonderful person and allowing me to have his
child.
My friends, your words of
encouragement have not gone unnoticed. I have nothing but love and respect for
you all, and I know now so much more than before that as Muslims, although we
have many faults in our community, when we come together we are truly a force
to be reckoned with. Your support and love and duaa have touched me greatly. I
will undoubtedly need your continued duaa and support when I return to Canada
inshaAllah.
I ask Allah to let me never stray
from His path, for my own sake and my daugher's, and also for Amr's sake - to
honour him in the way that Allah chose for him to die.
Ya 7abibi ya Amr. Ya 7abibi ya
Amr. Ya 7abibi ya Amr. I hope that right now your soul is in a green bird, and
you are flying through Jannah, eating and drinking from its provisions and are
close to the throne of Allah, where you will never shed another tear or ever
feel any sense of loss or suffering. You are my love in this world and the next
inshaAllah, you are in my heart always, you are in my prayers always.
Amr with our daughter, Ruqaya.
T__T
Cinta High Class!!!
From : Sister Asmaa Hussien
Penawarhati90
6.42pm
13 Syawal 1434 H Bersamaan 20 Ogos 2013
Universiti Sains Malaysia
