“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”

A week after our daughter Lauren was born, my wife Bonnie and I were completely exhausted. Each night Lauren kept walking us. Bonnie had been torn in the delivery and was taking painkillers. She could barely walk. After five days of staying home to help, I went back to work. She seemed to be getting better.

When I was away she ran out of pain pills. Instead of calling me at the office, she asked one of my brothers who was visiting, to purchase more. My brother however did not return with the pills. Consequently, she spent the whole day in pain, taking care of a newborn.

I had no idea that her day been so awful. When I returned home she was very upset. I misinterpreted the cause of her distress and thought she was blaming me.

She said, “I’ve been in pain all the day… I ran out of pills. I’ve been stranded in bed and nobody cares!”

I said defensively, “Why didn’t you call me?”

She said , “I asked your brother, but he forgot! I’ve been waiting for him to return all day. What am I supposed to do? I can barely walk. I feel so deserted!”

                At this point I exploded. My fuse was also very short that day. I was angry that she hadn’t called me. I was furious that she was blaming me when I didn’t even know she was in pain. After exchanging a few harsh words, I headed for the door. I was tired, irritable and had heard enough. We had both reached out limits.

Then something started to happen that would change my life.

Bonnie said, “ Stop, please don’t leave. This when I need you the most. I’m in pain. I haven’t slept in days. Please listen to me.”

I stopped for a moment to listen.

She said, “John Gray, you’re a fair-weather friend! As long as I’m sweet, loving Bonnie you are here for me, but as soon as I’m not, you walk right out that door”.

                The she paused, and her eyes filled up with tears. As her tone shifted she said, “Right now I’m in pain. I have nothing to give, this is why I need you the most. Please come over here and hold me. You don’t have to say anything. I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don’t go.

I walked over and silently held her. She wept in my arms. After a few minutes, she thanked me for not leaving. She told me that she just needed to feel me holding her.

                At that moment, I started to realize the real meaning of love-unconditional love. I had always thought of myself as a loving person. But she was right. I had been a fair-weather friend. As long as she was happy and nice, I loved back. But if she was unhappy or upset, I would feel blamed and then argue or distance myself.

That day, for the first time, I didn’t leave her. I stayed and it felt great. I succeeded in giving to her when she really needed me. This felt the real love. Caring for another person. Trusting in our love. Being there at her hour of need. I marveled at how easy it was for me to support her when I was shown the way.

How had I missed this? She just needed me to go over and hold her. Another woman would have instinctively known that Bonnie needed. But as a man, I didn’t know that touching, holding dan listening were so important to her. By recognizing these differences I began to learn a new way of relating my wife. I would have never believed we could resolve conflict so easily.

It inspired my seven years of research to help develop and refine the insights about men and women in this book. By learning in very practical and specific terms about how men and women are different, I suddenly began to realize that my marriage did not need to be such a struggle. With this new awareness of our differences Bonnie and I were able to improve dramatically our communication and enjoy each other more.

“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”

So, let’s read this book, as a preparation to get married. This is important to understand the differences between men and women in order to complement each other.  ^_^

Penawarhati90

11.46 am

5 Jamadilawal 1435 H or 7th March 2014

Pulau Langkawi, Kedah.

1 Mac 2014

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim…. Dengan nama Allah Yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Penyayang,

Alhamdulillahirabbil alamin, Segala puji hanya bagi Allah, Rabb Pemilik rezeki setiap insan, selawat dan salam diutuskan buat Rasulullah saw, Penghulu Sekalian Alam, Suri Teladan terbaik sepanjang zaman, serta seluruh ahli keluarga serta para sahabat baginda.

Alhamdulillah, dengan keizinan Allah swt, pada 1 Mac 2014, saya telahpun menamatkan kontrak sebagai guru ganti bagi subjek Sejarah dan Pendidikan Jasmani, di SMK Kelibang, Pulau Langkawi.  Setelah pelbagai peristiwa suka dan duka yang dilalui sepanjang memegang tiket sebagai seorang Guru Sejarah, in sha Allah, kontrak saya telah disambung semula sebagai seorang Guru Matematik pada 2 Mac 2014 sehingga awal Jun 2014, jika saya belum dipostingkan sebagai Guru tetap. Namun begitu, jauh di sudut hati saya berharap agar saya cepat dipostingkan sebagai seorang guru tetap, in sha Allah, seandainya itulah yang terbaik buat saya. Oleh yang demikian, haruslah saya membuat persediaan dari pelbagai segi iaitu Doa + Usaha +Ikhtiar + Tawakkal, kerana, saya meyakini bahawa, rezeki itu adalah milik Allah. Setiap yang berlaku semuanya adalah susunan Allah swt, namun begitu, sebagai manusia, perlulah saya ikhtiarkan dari segala segi supaya kemenangan itu datang berdasarkan peraturan alam. Sungguh terpegun saya dengan kata-kata ini :

“Berjuanglah untuk melakukan shalat dengan sebaik dan sebanyak mungkin. Jangan engkau habiskan hidupmu untuk mencari rejeki dan menyiapkan masa depan yang semata-mata duniawi. Allah tidak menciptakan dirimu untuk bersusah payah dan menderita untuk mencari rejeki. Allah telah menjamin rejekimu ketika engkau bersabar menjalankan shalat. Selama dirimu menjaga shalat, selama dirimu mengerjakan shalat seperti yang ditentukan, rejekimu sudah dijamin, datang menghampirimu dalam mihrab shalat”

Mohammad Fauzil Adhim.

Walau apapun, saya sangat bersyukur kerana diberi peluang untuk menjadi seorang Guru Sejarah & Pendidikan Jasmani Kesihatan. Hal ini disebabkan, saya menjadikan apa sahaja yang dikurniakan Allah sebagai satu peluang untuk mempertingkatkan diri. Di saat saya membuat persiapan untuk mengajar Sejarah, saya turut membaca sebuah buku yang bertajuk “Kuasa Kepimpinan Al-Fateh”,di mana dengan pembacaan buku ini, barulah saya mengerti kepentingan mempelajari sejarah itu sendiri. Ya, sememangnya seringkali saya ulang-ulangi kepada para pelajar :

“Sesiapa yang tidak mengetahui sejarah, akan mengulangi sejarah”

Dalam pembacaan saya di dalam buku tersebut, tersentak saya dengan sebuah ayat:

“ Lahirnya golongan manusia yang tidak belajar daripada pengajaran sejarah adalah sebesar-besar pengajaran daripada sejarah itu sendiri. Itulah yang sepatutnya diajar”

                                                                                                                                      Aldoux Husley

Subhanallah, masa begitu mencemburui, saya semakin merasakan, tanggungjawab yang kita miliki lebih banyak daripada masa yang ada. Namun begitu, saya begitu berharap, semoga Allah memberi taufiq dan hidayahNya kepada saya, untuk terus mengimbangkan diri dalam soal Dakwah & Tarbiyah serta Akademik & Kerjaya. Sungguh, saya tidak punya apa-apa kekuatan, Allah swt sahajalah Yang Maha Kuat, memberi kekuatan kepada hambaNya ini untuk terus bersabar dan bertahan melalui hari-hari dalam hidupnya. Semoga semakin banyak tanggungjawab yang terbeban ke atas kita menyebabkan kita semakin mendekatiNya. Allahumma amin. 

Menanda buku sampai mengantuk....

Hari terakhir di bilik disiplin bersama rakan-rakan guru yang ceria. 

Lepas ini bertukar ke bilik guru.

Pemandangan dari Bilik Disiplin, persekitaran sekolah yang sangat menenangkan. Alhamdulillah.

Penawarhati90

11.18 pm

1 Mac 2014

Pulau Langkawi, Kedah